Chuckles

[Wolfie33]

Dull day? Here's a diversion . . .

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[Wolfie33]

The Bagpiper

So I decided to learn the bagpipes.  As a bagpiper, I play many gigs.  Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.  As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost, and being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions.


I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone, and the hearse was nowhere in sight.  There were only the diggers and crew left, and they were eating lunch I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.  I went to the side of the grave, looked down and saw that the vault lid was already in place.  I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.


The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.  I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.  As I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep.  They wept, I wept, we all wept together.  When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.  Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.


As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say . . . .
"I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

 
Apparently, I'm still lost … it's a man thing

[Wolfie33]

A little known fact!!
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress ,



a man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry,
he gets weak in the knees,
And he begins to think totally irrationally. 

Ever stop to wonder why ?

Well, it's obvious really!

She smells like a new car !!!
(And thoughts turn to how a test drive might go ?)

[Wolfie33]

MAYDAY MAYDAY

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft!

A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot that lost communications was on a mobile phone!

He yelled, "Mayday, mayday!  The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack!  I grabbed his mobile phone from his pocket as he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory!  I am flying upside down at 5,500 metres and travelling at 290 km/h!  Mayday, mayday!"

The employee in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone!

"Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions!  The first thing is not to panic!  Remain calm!"

He began his series of questions:

Tower: "How do you know you are travelling at 5,500 metres?"

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 5,500 metres on the altimeter dial in front of me!"

Tower: "Okay, that’s good, remain calm!  How do you know you're travelling at 290 km/h?"

Aircraft: "I can see it reads 290 km/h on the airspeed dial in front of me!"

Tower: "Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast!  How do you know you’re flying upside down?"

Aircraft: “The pee in my pants is running out my shirt collar!!"

[Wolfie33]

Another diversion

[Wolfie33]

And yet another diversion

[Wolfie33]

This one keeps cracking me up 

[Wolfie33]

This fell in to my inbox the other day . . .

Due to the water shortage in Ireland, the Dublin town pool has announced closure of lanes 7 and 8.

Yep Paddy, that'd work, to be shure, to be shure.

[JennyLeez]

Well you can not get anymore stupid than that

Cheers Wolfie