New Zealand Local Weather Forum
General Category => Members Lounge => Members Stories => Topic started by: gabba on December 02, 2013, 09:42:03 PM
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It was a dark and stormy night ( all good stories start like that!). The wind was blowing like a freight train. It was about 2 am and I had been asleep for a few hours.
Amongst the noise there was an eerie but steady swish-unlike that of the wind. I climbed out of bed, tripped over the cat, and pulled back the curtains. Despite the storm, the moon shone bright and I was amazed to gaze upon a host of golden daffodils....
(For this story you need to include a line of poetry or rhyme)
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dancing like golden ladies all in a line,
as they swayed and bowed all in time!
I hastened downstairs the cat following me and made my way into the kitchen.
There was a loud knock on the back door, I opened it and standing there dripping wet and covered in leaves was..…..
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a monster who has:
"terrible teeth and terrible toes,
and a poisonous wart on the end of his nose,
he's the gruffalo"
The gruffalo had clearly come through the host of golden daffodils - there was a clear well trodden path beaming in the moonlight.
"My daffodils" I exclaimed. Thirty years of hard labour to get those daffodils just perfect for a full moon. I had waited for so long, only to find they were emaciated by a gruffalo. "What do you think you are doing" I asked as politely as I could........
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' well dear boy' the Gruffalo replied 'I'm a tiny bit wet and a tiny bit tipsy and ever so sad'.
'Sad or just plain mad' I asked as politely as I could.
' A bit of both I guess' said the Gruffalo.
' But my daffodils' I said ' look what you have done to them!'
The Gruffalo hiccuped and slid down the wall falling into a crumpled heap smelling highly of whiskey.
Oh great I thought that's all I need a drunken monster on my floor with his knobbly knees and turned out toes and a great big wart on the end of his nose.
Looking down at the passed out monster I thought there was only one thing to do so I picked up the phone and rang.........
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Macavity Macavity,there's no one like Macavity.
He has broken every human law so he could handle a tipsy Gruffalo who had no right to drink whiskey.
He should be setting a better example for the young children.
Soon I heard a tapping at the door, there he was a tall and thin a fine looking cat. Oh Macavity, thank you for answering my call, come in come in, look at that upon the floor.........
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And quickly shut the door,
Help is needed true and fast,
To get my bulbs in while they last,
Before the monster green and great,
Eats them and ends up with a tummy ache!
Macavity showed his agility by balancing the bulbs on his paws and flicking them through the open window into the field below.
The Gruffalo stood there amazed and for once speechless. He had never seen a cat do that before.
Running footsteps could be heard and Phil burst in through the door exclaiming........ …........
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Hey, that darn cat has just thrown bulbs into my new plot.
I planned to grow food to eat not flowers that might smell sweet.
They bring in the Wasp, he is a nasty one,
He scavenges and thrives,
Unlike the honest honey bee,
He doesn't care for hives.
He builds a waxy nest,
Then brings his mates from near and far
To sneak into your house
When you leave the door ajar.
Phil stopped and asked for a glass of water, he was feeling all a tizz......
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so we gave him a glass of fizz,
after one sip he fell on the floor,
so we hastily dragged him out the door,
the Gruffalo followed close behind,
he grabbed one of Phil's legs who didn't seem to mind!
Gabba came bouncing in joyously happy that at long last his daffodils were getting replanted, well he thought they were until he spotted Macavity munching on one.
' nice onions Boss' said the cat.
Gabba was apoplectic with rage. He ran towards Macavity who leapt through the open window leaving a large pile of half eaten.........
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Radishes that he and hairy mclary had got from donaldsons dairy.
Now hairy and mcavity created an awful din
They put that poor gruffalo into a spin
Phil was so stressed
He became a blubbering mess
Maybe it was the onions that mcavity had in tow
And waved them about to and fro
Babs screamed "All this kerfuffle, I need a gin"
Everyone stopped - except for the drop of a pin
There were onions, daffodils and radishes everywhere - The place was a mess
What happened next is anyone's guess....
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Babs swallowed the gin,
And fell into a bin,
Phil gave a loud shout
And slowly passed out,
That left Macavity, the Gruffalo and me,
Circling the room and waiting to see,
Who would jump out of the window first,
And not come off worst.....
Around and around walked the terrible three sidestepping radishes, onlions and daffodil bulbs when just as it seemed one of them would make a break there came a thunderous knock on the door. The Gruffale, for he was quaintly polite, opened said door to find that Valerie was standing there holding a small....….....….
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cane basket. Don't waste all the radish, onions and daffodil bulbs. let me take them down to Donaldson's dairy.Schnitzel von Krumm with the very low tum has offered to help me. He thinks if they don't yet stink we could make a salad flavoured with Gin.
Lets have a party and forget all our woes, lets dance on our tippy toes. Lets smile and be gay tomorrow is another day, but that blooming Macvity.............
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Had a trick up his sleeve,
A big brown rat would you believe.
Now Gruffalos don't like rats along with very smart cats,
So he gave a loud roar and crashed through the door.
Macavity started to sing until..…......…...
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Phil threw an old boot at his head. It knocked the poor cat dead. Jack and Jill who had been up the hill to fetch a pail of water offered to bind the cats head with vinegar and brown paper but unfortunately........
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the Wicked Witch from the West,
Who loved dead cats the best,
Arrived on her broomstick,
Just in the nick
Of time..........
Jack and Jill were astonished to see her along with gabba, who by this time wondered why there were so many people, including a dead cat in his house.
He stood up and exclaimed................
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lets bury the cat before he begins to stink.
Out with the box and roses pink.
Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow??
We need flowers to decorate the coffin.
The wicked witch had no sense of decorum
Screeched loudly and shouted............
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' rum, rum, let's drink rum' ,
gabba looked amazed,
half crazed,
If the fact be true,
for who should come through the door but
Little Boy Blue.
Why have I got half the cast of Shrek in my house, just the Three Blind Mice ran past him singing.........
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Nursery rhyme nightmare, nursery rhyme mightmare
Oh dear
Here comes the fox and the hare.
The witch let out a scream
So loud it curdled the cream
Stinkybro Stinkybro knickers knickers knickers
And then commenced pulling out the baskets whickers
She then made a broth
Put in one eye of alan and it started to froth
One onion one daffodil ot formed a great stew
In went bo peep and her sheep
That stew began to reek
And all of a sudden in a blinding flash of light...
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Much to gabba' s great delight,
A maelstrom of foam began to appear,
Causing the house to slowly disappear,
Till all that was left was a window and one wall,
A pair of large knickers and half a rugby ball.
' oh what to do' moaned Phil, ' oh what will the Missus say'.
' I don't know what you are so worried about' said gabba, ' look at the size of my..........
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...dictionary - it's grown 10000 words
This story is getting quite absurd
Behind gabba was a monstrous pile of foam
By this stage it had entirely covered his home
Oh goodie I think I'll have a shave
Babs immediately told gabba to behave
By now the sun was beginning to peep
People were waking up all over the street
Good mornining to all and to all a fine day
Except for the wind which was blowing the foam away
Valerie came back from burying the cat
Unfortunately she was now carrying a rat
What can I do with this rat she exclaimed
when all of a sudden it burst into flames
The flames ignitied the flammable foam
which quickly took hold and burnt down the home
Oh what a wonderful morning it's been so far.....
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Said gabba as he got in his car,
Down the street he swiftly drove,
Forgetting Phil who yelled ' by Jove'
Gabba on hearing this,
Did a wheelie which caused his tyres to hiss!
Babs and Valerie came running fast,
Neither of their shoes were going to last,
As their hot little feet,
Pounded the beat.
Phil followed far behind,
But from the way he was running he didn't seem to mind.
As gabba careered around the next corner,
There was in front of him............
PS one line
Of rhyme
Was only required at first
Now we are rhyming fit to burst!
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was a wheelbarrow, shiny green and narrow.
Bab's jumped in and Valerie grabbed the handles and off they went
Trying to find a cool place to step as their feet were all blistered
and raw from the heat. Round the next corner oh what a sight..........
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Came gabba, the Gruffalo and Phil all dressed for a flight,
For high in the air,
Just for a dare,
Throwing out bulbs with nary a care,
They planned to cover the land below,
With bright pink fluffy marshmallow.
Valerie turned to Babs and said,
'Has gabba gone completely off his head?'
Babs nodded and replied...........
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when he was young and full of vim Gabba tried to make marshmallows just on a whim.
Unfortunately for Gabba they would not set. This is the cause of his fetish to coat the earth in a fluffy marshmallow cloud. Oh bosh said Phil what a lot of rot the reason is plain for all to see........
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that gabba is making them just for me' !
The Gruffalo on hearing this,
Got his knickers in such a twist,
That he spiraled head over heels,
Into the pot of marshmallow peels, ( sorry couldn't think of a word to rhyme)
Phil looked aghast at what was going on,
Picked up his guitar and started a song,
Valerie...........
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fed up with the whole kit and kaboodle
grabbed her purse, then set off to buy a noodle. (what was that you said about rhyme??)
Down the road she biked along,
trying to sing a merry song.
Now she has forgotten the thread of the story.............
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' oh that's right' she said ' it was getting gory'
With marshmallows flying around,
Did you know when they hit someone they don't make a sound!
So pedaling on Valerie went,
Wishing every now and then for a............